What angers me the most about the recent New York Times article, “Have We Been Thinking About A.D.H.D. All Wrong?”, is how easily and carelessly it undermines the lived experiences of people with ADHD, especially women. This article is a clear example of how reporting can selectively pull quotes, cherry-pick outdated data, and frame it all to raise doubt rather than factually inform the public. It’s not investigative journalism; it’s a rebranded version of skepticism that many of us have been battling our whole lives.
Articles like this do real harm. They fuel the same internalized doubts my clients and I already carry: “Am I making this up?” “Is this even real?” “Maybe I just need to try harder.” As a licensed therapist and certified clinical ADHD provider, I spend hours reviewing peer-reviewed research and attending professional development to stay current on the science behind ADHD. I’ve read the studies, I have provided trainings on these studies. I’ve worked with hundreds of women navigating the impact of ADHD. And still, what qualifies me most to speak on this topic is this: I lived nearly three decades of my life with undiagnosed ADHD.
I am not The New York Times. I’m a woman who spent years believing I was broken. The first time Paul Tough even mentions girls with ADHD, he writes, “What about a child with an anxiety disorder who is constantly distracted by her worries? Does she have A.D.H.D or just A.D.H.D.-like symptoms caused by her anxiety?” I am that child, and his statement infuriates me. As with so many women, I was misdiagnosed with anxiety. I developed disordered eating to cope with the chaos in my brain. I lost friendships and romantic partners. I learned to be high-achieving to hide how deeply I was struggling. I lived in a constant loop of “almost enough” and “never quite enough.” And I can attest today that 10 out of 10 of my female clients with anxiety claim it was caused by unmanaged ADHD.
This article feeds that cycle. It suggests that ADHD is situational; something only experienced if your environment is the wrong fit. That’s an incredibly privileged and reductionist view of what is for many women, a lifelong neurological condition that impacts every domain of functioning: work, relationships, emotional regulation, and identity.
Worse, it frames stimulant medication as a crutch, rather than a legitimate, life-improving treatment. The idea that meds “don’t really help” or “flatten your personality” is a harmful trope that perpetuates shame and causes many women to avoid or discontinue life-saving support. Research shows that the right ADHD medication can decrease risk factors and increase longevity. In addition, medication along with therapy results in “optimal outcomes.” (Milham, MD, PhD)
It makes me increasingly furious that pieces like this are published while women still wait years, sometimes decades for a correct diagnosis. It adds another layer of doubt, not just for us, but for our providers, families, and employers. It says, “Maybe this isn’t real after all.”
But it is real. We are real. And we deserve better than an op-ed dressed as evidence. ADHD in women is underdiagnosed, misunderstood, and minimized not because it isn’t real, but because we’ve been looking at it through a male centric lens for far too long.
If you’re a woman with ADHD and you felt punched in the gut reading that article, you’re not alone, and you’re not imagining it. I see you, your experience is real and valid.
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